A solemn mood overhung the room of men taking their seats on comfortable chairs and couches at Serenity Entertainment Complex on a cold and windy evening. Each month, the doors are opened for men to gather and talk about what’s going on in their lives, what challenges they’re facing, and even to celebrate their wins.

But the mood was quiet tonight…they seemed hesitant to speak. Incidents outside of that room, things that had happened to other people but in their neighborhoods, cast a pall over people’s moods as they thought of other people, of ways they wanted to help others.

“I’m just pissed with everything going on right now…people just don’t value life,” one man said when the meeting started and were asked for a word or two how they felt. Others nodded their head, and the words each described hit the feeling in the room.

“Tired.” “Torn.” “Scared.” “Frustrated.”

“We gotta be held accountable for something,” Stacey Phillips with Clasped Hands Counseling, LLC told them. “I’m grateful to be in a position to help.”

However, Phillips – who helps lead the discussion each month – wasn’t talking about his or their ability to help other people, to go out into the community and fixed what ailed it. He was talking about working with each of them as individuals and the importance of each focusing on their needs before others.

“We convince ourselves it’s better to be somebody for everybody else than to be somebody for ourselves,” Phillips said, but the priority in our lives is to take care of ourselves first if we want to take care of others. “Sometimes we have to teach people how to treat us. Your time is yours.”

Some of the opening words and sentences the men used were reflective more of the healing and growing process for men as individuals. And for what they felt looking forward to the future.

“Rediscovering. “Hopeful.” “Optimistic.”

“I’ve got a lot of moving pieces going on at the same time, and change isn’t always comfortable,” one said.

“I’m scared for what the future holds, to jump out and do what I want to do,” another agreed. “I’m scared of failing.”

As they began talking about themselves, about their feelings, and sharing their stories, the discussion became more purposeful. They focused not on the struggle but on the solutions, on helping each other see that they are all in this together. They talked about what depression and anxiety look like for each of them and how it manifests in their daily lives, and the shared their coping mechanisms.

“I stopped trying to be balanced because not everything deserves equal attention,” one man said of how he actually came to terms with all the demands on his attention and responsibilities.

As happens each month, the end of the meeting feels nothing like the beginning. What begins quiet, moody, and withdrawn becomes relaxed, jovial, and fun. They leave later with hugs and laughter.

“Thank you for being vulnerable in this process,” Phillips tells them and tells them to look around the room at each other, reminding them that the group exists all month long, not just during those 90+ minutes. “We know we’re gonna be there” [for each of you].

The Men’s Mental Health Meet-up happens every fourth Monday of the month from 6:30-8:00 p.m. at Serenity Entertainment Complex. It’s hosted by the Macon Violence Prevention Program and Macon Mental Health Matters to provide men a place where they can share their experiences with each other and find support from within their community.