The topic this month was “Self-care in the chaos,” and it couldn’t have been more appropriate given the days leading up to the meeting. Successful events downtown, a multi-school reunion…all bringing out the best in people. But overnight, violence had erupted for a group of teenagers, leaving the community wondering what happened.
It’s the fourth Monday of the month, and a smaller group was gathered for the monthly Men’s Mental Health Meet-up, this time being held at the Tubman African American Museum on Cherry Street. A shooting from two nights prior opened the conversation because it had been the topic in churches, on social media, over dinner, and across the city for so many people since they woke up to the news.
Even though these meeting are typically focused on each man’s personal health, it was more than appropriate to talk about the community event because it had a struck a deep chord. There wasn’t a person there who wanted to talk about themselves before they discussed their feelings on the recent event.
“Everything starts with the trauma you have, and kids pick up everything” one said. “So they have their own trauma.”
One man talked about how difficult it is for parents these days, that even if you raise them right, they can still go astray. He used the example of his own stepson, sitting in jail at that moment despite being a regular member of their church. He had all the same opportunities as his children, each who went on to have successful lives.
“He was just different.”
Even with that cloud of chaos hanging over the discussion, the men were still able to delve into how they unpack their own emotions and focus on self-care, even when things get chaotic. And they talked about they’ve been feeling overall.
“Peaceful…ever since I began attended these meetings about a year ago. This has definitely been therapy for me.”
“I’ve really learning to compartmentalize what’s an emergency and what’s not.”
“The anxiety and stress you have in your life is sometimes put on you by yourself.”
“You have to be intentional with self-care.”
The men did agree that raising kids these days is tough, but even if they personally struggle with their own pasts and wonder if they’re strong enough, they should realize that kids today can still learn from them. Even their mistakes…and the fact that they pushed themselves too hard.
“I may not have dealt with my issues the right way, but people can still learn from me.”
“As men, we just keep going, pouting out of our cup everywhere.”
“We sometimes wonder why we explode, but it’s because we have all this garbage in us.”
Of course, this self-reflection led back to the weekend’s events and the need for more mentors for younger kids, especially men. They talked about the different groups available for mentoring and discussing the importance of kids seeking out wide counsel and therapy.
“We’ve got to meet kids where they are because they change over time.”
“Even if they don’t take our advice, we’ve got to make sure they have access to it.”
It was a deeply personal conversation that was centered on a concern for the broader community. Amidst the chaos impacting so many families at the moment, it was obvious it had spread further to people who didn’t even know those involved. And that chaos was reflected in each in the room, with them struggling to make sense of the world around them.And seeing their own internal struggles reflected back at them by their community. But then seeing that maybe they had something to contribute because they had gone through their own struggles. That maybe what they’d gone through could help show others a way out, as well.
The Meet-ups happen on the fourth Monday of the month from 6:00-7:30 p.m. in different locations. They are open to the public and are hosted by the Macon Violence Prevention and Macon Mental Health Matters programs. Discussions are typically facilitated by Stacey Phillips with Clasped Hands Counseling, LLC.