“You are something to someone.”

With a light mist in the air outside after an overcast and rainy day, 17 men gathered in a circle in the middle of Serenity Entertainment Complex on Poplar Street for the monthly Men’s Mental Health Meet-up.

The men varied in age, backgrounds, professions, family status, where they grew up, and more gathered and talked about anxiety. They shared thoughts on what anxiety means to them, where it comes from, how they cope with it…or how they are unable to cope. The conversation was deep and personal, with the men opening up about the issues they are facing and how they see similar issues impacting people around them.

“Things in life keep piling up, especially as a man,” one said, with others shaking their heads in understanding. “And it needs to get out. It’s different for every person how it manifests, but it will come out.”

Another, still nodding, chimed in on how it happens for him as well as how groups like this help. “My heart races, I can’t sleep, and I snap at coworkers and my family. It’s meetings like this, though, that help relieve the pressure and help me find ways to cope.”

Despite the heavy topic and baring of their souls, the mood was upbeat and they were hopeful on this dreary evening. For the icebreaker, each was asked to use one word to describe how they felt at that moment.

“Out-freaking-standing. I’m always going to be this way. I’m going to begin my day on a high note and end it on a high note.”

“Grateful. I’m grateful for every moment, every second.”

 “Better. Better than I was yesterday. Gonna try to be better tomorrow.”

“Excited. Because I don’t know what the next day is going to bring.”

“Optimistic.” “Blessed.” “Determined.” “Thankful.”

 “I’m good, man. I’m good.”

But the men still recognized that feeling up at that moment didn’t mean everyone did, or that they would feel that way in the following days.

“Kinda flat right now.” “I’m here.” “Anxious.”

“I’m aight. Going with the flow, if you know what I mean.”

“Confused. With everything going on in the world, I’m confused. What’s the next step?”

The discussion moved into defining what anxiety meant for each of them. It ranged through several descriptions, though it all came down to a feeling of helplessness, of being unable to fully deal with what they faced.

“It feels like I’m being smothered, like I’m claustrophobic,” one man said. “It’s like, can I just breathe for a minute?”

From a constant state of worry to social pressures (like measuring up to the success of other men) to being on edge to worry about the future to the state of our society and community during a government shutdown to past trauma impacting how they saw the world to the stress of discussing feelings with people…each man saw something of themselves in another’s story. And with each example, it opened up another example or another recognition that they all had shared experiences.

“We’ve all operated from an unwritten definition of a man, but what really is a man?” the group was asked as they began to talk about how the push for them to “man up” and “be a man” as they grew up impacted how they interact and live as adults. “You can’t age out of anxiety. There’s always something to worry about.”

With the agreement made that anxiety is something they would always face because there would always be challenges, the men talked coping mechanisms. As each gave a way they try to deal with anxiety and stress, a common thread appeared: taking care of themselves. If they didn’t look inward to make sure they were okay, then taking care of others or facing challenges became that much harder.

“You know what comes first? Knowing who you are, so take the time to learn and love yourself,” one man said. “You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you are something to someone. So, take care of yourself.”

The Monthly Men’s Mental Health Meet-up brings men together on the fourth Monday of each month at Serenity Entertainment Complex (427 Poplar Street) from 6:30 – 8:00 p.m. It provides men the chance to share their experiences with each other and find support from within their community, and it’s sponsored by Macon Violence Prevention and Macon Mental Health Matters.